4. The Morning She Woke Up On The Floor Of the Casino At The Cosmopolitan, aka. No Cab Money Lost In Vegas Problems.
Preface: KP and LB adhere to a strict set of guidelines when it comes to those with whom we surround ourselves. One rule strictly enforced is that one must always act in ways that contribute material to The Chronicles of Saltiness. Here is the story of one such friend, who we will refer to only as MM.
It was a typical night in Vegas for KP, LB and MM. Dinner, accompanying a handsome group of men at the prime table at XS, and topping the night off at Drais. We should have known the night would take the $altiest of turns when LB (the responsible one of the group) decided to go back to the hotel to ensure maximum driving capabilities for the long drive home. Left were KP and MM who may or may not be the worst influences on each other. If only we had enough time together to get into some trouble.
After meeting a group of fellow LAer’s, MM decided to take a solo trip to the bathroom that resulted in a whole new level of inappropriateness. Inappropriateness that included leaving KP at Drais. Alone. A six hour, partially-solo adventure of inappropriateness that ended 10 minutes before checkout and 2 minutes before KP and LB were about to start a search party through the streets of Vegas. But once MM shamefully walked through the doors of our hotel room, we knew the story and resulting material was worth it all.
Let us explain.
Having gone to the bathroom by herself, the least responsible one of the group found herself mistakenly in the men’s bathroom of Drais. Immediate eye contact with one gentleman mid-urinal straddling and MM was in lust. They immediately went on a “tour of sorts” through Drais, first the men’s room, then the hallways, and finally stopping in the kitchen of Drais (since when is there a kitchen at Drais and WHO in their right mind would eat anything from there?!). But let us continue. MM and uninal-straddler decided it was time to go, and left for his hotel (to gamble of course). An hour later and shame setting in, MM knew it was time to leave. Finally getting into the warmth of a cab, the still intoxicated MM realized en route to our hotel that she had lost all of her money. And screamed it out loud, resulting in the cab driver stopping in the middle of the strip and kicking her out.
Phone dead and with no money, MM made her way to the Cosmopolitan Hotel. Why? She mistakenly thought we were staying there. Upon realizing her mistake, MM saw no other immediate solution other than parking it right in the middle of the casino floor for a quick nap, using one heel as a pillow and another as a blanket. Fast forward about three hours later and MM was abruptly awoken by a concerned gentleman gently tapping her on the shoulder.
MM, to gentleman: “Please tell me this is the Palms”.
Gentleman, to MM: “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are at the Cosmopolitan. Were you abandoned”?
MM, to gentleman (and mostly herself): “I think I abandoned myself”.
Now let’s go back to MM’s triumphant return to our hotel. Having waited 30 LONG minutes for a cab driver that would take her back gratis, MM walked through the doors of the hotel room to KP and LB’s scornful faces. Immediately sensing the anger, MM blurted out: “Before you guys go off on me just know that I woke up on the floor of the Cosmo casino so nothing you say will make me feel worse than I already do”. And there, at the end of that sentence, was the reminder of why we keep this MM around.
And that, our loyal followers, concludes “The Morning She Woke Up On The Floor Of the Cosmopolitan Casino”.